I know this is my 4th child, but my first two sons were spaced 5 years apart, so this toddler and baby thing is going to be very new to me. I purposely spaced my sons apart, because my ExH was no help and I didn't think I could do two little ones close together, possibly on different schedules "alone".

OK, so my DH is a GREAT helper, when he's around. Working out of town, leaves me with the whole alone dealing with both kids situation that I avoided as a younger woman. Ava can be very demanding and is SO active (jumping, running, squealing through the house) most of the day. She also takes spells of being very demanding of my attention. I keep hoping that she will settle down a good bit over the next 5 months. She will be right at 2 1/2 when the baby gets here. Trying not to panic, so I thought I'd ask you BTDT mommies some questions.

If you had a toddler when a 2nd baby was born - were they overly active/demanding and at what point did they settle down? How did you deal with the demands of your toddler and the newborn? At what point will they start to understand about the baby that's coming and what did you do to prepare them? Just some good advice in general would be greatly appreciated. Ok I guess that's enough for you girls to chew on for now.

Oh yeah and

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I responded to you over on our BI-board.

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Rachel
Proud Mother of 2 Boys and a Girl
Isaac David - February 2004
Carson Eli - January 2006
Kianna Rachelle - May 2008





***Just Add Baby ACD***

***Host of Baby Dust Grads***

I too would love some advice on this front!

-Jen

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If you had a toddler when a 2nd baby was born - were they overly active/demanding and at what point did they settle down? How did you deal with the demands of your toddler and the newborn?

I'm also blessed with a helpful DH where the kids are concerned - when he's home, of course. I haven't had it too bad when alone. There's been chaos from time-to-time, yes, but I've managed one way or the other. Austin was 27mo when Spencer was born and they're my closest two. Austin wasn't an overly active toddler, but he liked to be a little stinker and try my patience (laughing all the way) when out. Picture being in Target with the infant seat on the cart...your toddler takes off running (in zigzags). Leave the baby and catch him? That was stressful! I learned fast that he had to be in the cart, too...or the double stroller was pulled out. (With the girls, I did a lot of babywearing because Kiley still liked and needed her stroller and wearing kept Ellie happy...plus I liked it using a mei tai.) And no trying on clothes when out alone with a baby and toddler. He would crawl under the doors. It's been awhile since then (they're 11.5 and nine now), but I don't remember having much trouble at home with them both. I just made sure Austin got reading and playing time with me when Spencer was sleeping or swinging, etc.

Spencer and Kiley were almost 4.5yrs apart due to years of infertility. Her arrival went pretty smoothly.

Kiley and Ellie are 6-7 weeks shy of three years apart. She's a princess all the way, but was our gate climber and quite active. She liked to snuggle or read with me while I BF Ellie. I also had the help of her big bros as far as entertainment went.

At what point will they start to understand about the baby that's coming and what did you do to prepare them?

I think this is an "all kids are different" thing. I don't know that Austin really understood about becoming a big bro right away. A smart kid, oh yes -- sometimes to the point of scary, quite honestly...but not so much on the social end of things. He kissed my belly, we read appropriate books about it (have done that with all big sibs-to-be), talked about it, etc.

Spencer, being older, of course understood and got really excited. I remember worrying about him with that gap, but it worked out. He was such a "mama's boy" as a toddler anyway, that I think, in hindsight, it was a blessing in disguise. Both boys were old enough to take a 'big sib' class before Kiley arrived. Spencer got a 'boy' doll, too. (And I have a guy's guy DH who had no problem with that. hehehe)

Kiley was (and is) a mama wanna-be and was almost three. She helped to name Ellie and called her by name prior to birth...so that went pretty well, too. After Ellie's arrival, she mimicked everything -- even nursed her own dolls.

If Ava likes books (even just looking at them), some snuggle time doing that could be an idea? I know Ellie doesn't like to sit still for them much yet, but will for brief periods. We'll probably just start to gradually intro. the idea over the next several months. Even with this being my fifth, I still have concerns about how my current baby will adjust. She's independent with a "clingy mommy" streak in there, too. Hopefully her big sibs will help her along. Spencer has already volunteered for 'the job'...he's so sweet. Extra mama attention and getting to do big girl things (go on errands with Daddy, etc.) never hurts either.

Here are a couple of books we have:

Before You Were Born, by Jennifer Davis - it has a rhyming test that's good for littles, but also info added in that you can use for older kids if you want to.

How Did God Make Me?, by Matt & Lisa Jacobson - this one is conversational between a young preschooler and his mommy

The library usually has a lot, too...for all ages. There might even be a board book of some editions (been awhile since I've looked - guess I should get on that) for younger ones. There are 'big sibling' videos out there that you can watch, too - Barney, Dora, etc. We also have the big sister Dora doll (had the book as well, but Ellie has since shredded it) - she comes with twin bro/sis dolls that she can wear. Since my other kids were hospital births, I remember reading to them about me being gone for a couple of days and who they'd be with, what to expect when they visited, etc. as well.

Well, hopefully that gives you some ideas. I'm typing fast (have a lot to do yet before bed). Honestly, I bet the transition will go much more smoothly than you think. Plus, these boards are great when they turn into "Born In..." for when we all do have specific issues (even us "old-timer" moms get hit with new experiences...and catastrophes...) - somebody (or several somebodies) always has (have) something great to try.

P.S. - A special "big girl" box (or set of them) with certain toys, books, puzzles, activities, easy snacks would be great to have for her to use ONLY when you're feeding, bathing, etc. the baby and can't easily be with her - but need to know she's happy, safe, etc. It'd be like a special privilege because you're tied up...and a great distraction for her to help you. Oh...also...Kiley loved to be my helper - get diapers and wipes, nursing pads, Ellie's paci, etc...

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Thanks Melissa, that was great advice. I think probably waiting until baby starts moving more obviously will be a step in the right direction for when to start talking up baby to Ava. We tell her now and point to my tummy, but she just looks at us like we're crazy and thinks it's an invitation for her to blow on my belly! She loves to do that.

Thanks for the book ideas and if you think of any more or have any video titles please let me know. That sounds like a great idea for getting the idea across as well. I think I have the Before You Were Born book. Is it the one that talks about the angels playing with the baby till God found the perfect family? If so then I do have that one. I'm not at home right now to look at the book I have.

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