Vent O/T

Jenna05 · #1 (**permalink**) 03-04-2008, 09:17 PM

So DH's birthday is on Sunday. We originally just had plans to go out to dinner, then his brother suggested getting people together to go to a jazz club in DC. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with this, but the jazz club is several blocks away from the subway station, and everyone wants to walk there. If I weren't pregnant I wouldn't mind, but ever since about 25 weeks I've been in pretty bad pain when I stand for a while or walk a long distance. The doctor told me that I should limit my activity, which means walking to the club is probably a bad idea.
I'd like to be able to spend my husbands birthday with him, but still suggested that he go ahead without me. He said he didn't want to do that. Then I suggested that we get everyone together and just go out to dinner some place. He said ok, that sounded like a good idea. Then, not more than a minute later, he says, "well, then I'll have to get everybody together, and it'll seem like I'm bending over backwards just for you." That comment kinda stung me, and I asked him what he meant, and he says "well it'll seem like I'm bending over backwards just for you, instead of getting to do what I want on my birthday."
I have no clue how to respond to that. I just walked away. I gave him the option of still going to the jazz club without me earlier on, and he was the one that turned it down. I cant help it if I cant go. I'm sorry, but theres nothing I can do to change that. Its not like I don't want to go, like I said, any other time I would be more than willing.
Sorry for the vent, I'm just really confused, and trying not be hurt by him snapping at me.

KB&H'sMommy · #2 (**permalink**) 03-04-2008, 09:28 PM

I'm sorry but I'd be hurt to. Frankly it is about you and the health of your baby, and so what if it "looks" like he's compromising for the love of his life and his baby. That is what being an adult, in a loving relationship is about. If that is not what he wants to do then he needs to come up with an idea that can include you. How about the 2 of you taking a cab to the club or something? BTW you shouldn't have had to offer to let him go without you. He should have declined when asked in the first place, since he knew you shouldn't be walking that far.

3rd of a 3rd · #3 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 05:03 AM

Aw, What a pain. Wy feelings would be hurt, too. I like the idea of the 2 of you taking a cab - No one should be surprised or bothered by that! Really - I don't think him making it possible for you to be there is 'bending over backwards' I would think it wouldn't be the same w/o you.
I hope he turns around & realizes he's not being very considerate.

May · #4 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 05:23 AM

Im sorry.
It sounds like you will have to sit down and have a talk with him and explain to him (in case he is not aware) that you are not doing it b/c of a mood but b/c you simply cant. Just talk to him about it, hopefully you both can figure something out. GL!!!

erenimi · #5 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 05:32 AM

Grrrr. Men make me cranky. I agree with previous posters. You didn't ask him to "bend over backwards" in the first place, but he should make it so you can go, even if he has to offer to carry you to the club! Tell him if he would like, he can carry the baby that night, and then you will be just fine to walk. He, on the other hand, may not be able to make it.

mom2one&babybean · #6 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 07:29 AM

I'm so sorry.

I completely agree with Christin and the girls above. It's not as if you are telling him "you don't feel like" going out. It is a serious health issue for you and the baby. He of all people should understand that. Have you told him point blank that your Dr. advised against activity like that? I think the cab is a great idea if you feel like going still. (((Hugs))) to you. I don't blame you for being hurt. I hope your DH realizes how he has hurt you and comes up with a good solution.

Anna_H_66 · #7 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 08:52 AM

I would be venting too. He should stay home with you, or make plans you can participate in more easily. My SO was invited to Cancun just before my due date, and to my surprise he said no. Kudos for mine, let yours know that he should be conisdering your condition in his plans as well

Constance_13 · #8 (**permalink**) 03-05-2008, 10:53 AM

I would be upset too.....its deffinatly NOT bending over back ward for you!!!! Its simply a matter of how someone should act when they SO is struggling medicaly. I wish you all the best in finding something that makes everyone happy but I for sure would talk to him and let him know how hurt you are.