I'm so tired of people I don't even know asking me if I plan on breastfeeding. Due to my heart condition I cannot breastfeed, as soon as this baby is born I will be restarted on my heart meds. I hate that I feel that I have to explain myself everytime someone asks. Ideally I would love to breastfeed, it kills me to know I won't be able to, the last thing I need is judgement as well. I actually had one woman (a friend of my friend) tell me "Well you've been off your heart meds this long and haven't died, so why not breastfeed, after all it's best for your baby" Since being off my heart medication, my heart has become enlarged, it's getting weaker, my heart rate gets higher faster, last week it was in the 290's for over 15 minutes before they were able to get it back down. Obviously being off the meds is not a good thing. I'm always out of breath and just feel generally awful.

I hate that I end up feeling guilty everytime the breast/bottle conversation comes up. I am going to love my baby just as much as any other mother, I will still bond with her, it's not like I plan on sticking a bottle in her mouth and walking away. I hope she is just as smart as any breastfed baby and I hate people telling me that breastfed babies are smarter...thanks rub that in my face a bit because it's just what I need right now.

Tianna was formula fed as well, I pumped and dumped at first after she was born hoping I could come off the heart meds, but it wasn't going to happen. When she was 6 months old she contracted e.coli bacterial meningitis and almost died. I actually had one woman tell me it was because she was formula fed and that if I breastfed her it would never have happened.

I just can't help but wonder why on earth it's other people's business how I feed my baby. It's formula not poison, I am going to give my baby the best start that I can...it just doesn't include breast milk

I'm sorry for the rant, I know I'm hormonal and moody. But I seriously think I might snap if one more "well meaning" person tells me I'm not doing the right thing for my baby.

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I am so sorry you are having to put up with that! I'm sure many of us were bottle fed and none the dumber for it - as a matter of fact, I've been consistently on the Dean's List and didn't breast feed at all.

People all want to have their two cents worth, and it's barely worth that. Good idea - keep a handful of pennies with you and when someone starts that, hand them two pennies and tell them "thanks, but I don't want it" That will put them back into their place!

Sending you a big hug!

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Sarah & Natalie

gosh people are rude! I never had that. Stone i breast fed 5 weeks.... well 2 weeks fully.... and he was HUNGRY...loosing weight. my milk wasnt enough for him and it wasnt coming in as it should. I mean looking back maybe i should have fed more often to get it to come in more. And once I started suplemented he liked the bottle... SO, i was left to pump and give it to him.... but i still was only getting 4 ounces like every 4 hours. lol SO at 5 weeks i was like FORGET it. And once he was on formula... he gained weight... stop srying so much... slept more... he was happier. And he has grown into a fine little boy. lol I mean and you have reasons. I WOULD NOT let other people let you feel bad. You are taking your meds afterwards so you CAN be a better mother and be with them as they grow up.

I mean i probably will do the same this time around. I mean i may try harder at the breastfeeding... BUT i will use formula... i just think it fills them up more. lol At least with us anyway! LMAO

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No one should make you feel this way. It always irks me when people try and make a mom feel bad about her parenting decisions. The next time some "well-meaning" person trys to put their input in, just politely cut them off and say "I've made a decision that's best for me AND my baby". Because your decision is just that. You are not going to breastfeed because you need to go back on your heart meds. Having a mom who isn't going to breastfeed is alot better then having a weak mother who does. I hope you know that none of us judge you here and that we all want what's best for you and baby.

Here are a few blinkies I found. You can use them if you would like....

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You have to stop allowing yourself to feel guilty about it. And you have to stop feeling like you need to explain- no one is forcing you to, you are allowing yourself to feel that way. I don't mean to sound harsh at all, I've just been there and people can't make us feel a certain way- we have to allow them to. You've got to stop allowing people to make you feel inferior or any less of a mother than a breastfeeder because you're not. You don't love your child any less or care any less about their well being and anyone that would even think that is ignorant and certainly undeserving of not only an explanation, but your company in general.

You have what many would consider "valid" reasons for not breastfeeding, but in actuality, you don't need a reason at all because it's your choice and only yours. And unfortunately, not everyone is going to find your reason acceptable anyway, so you're opening up yourself to potential judgment and ridicule. When someone asks you if you are going to breastfeed, I think the appropriate answer is a simple no, or an, "I'm sorry, that's personal".

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Mommy to Andrew, born May 27, 2005

I understand how you feel, but from the other side. When I decided to go into the second year with my last son, ppl told me it was sick, that I should just wean him already, and that it was disgusting. His dad told me he would not take him until he would take a bottle. I was feeling so much pressure to quit, it took the enjoyment from it. When my oldest was little we went to a restaurant, I was fully covered feeding him and two old biddies came to the table and lost it on me for feeding him in public. Bottlefeeding is one way to feed a baby, so is breast. Yes, they know now that breast milk contains alot of substances formula doesn't, but your breastmilk would hurt the baby. It makes more sense to bottle feed and be around for your kids growing up years than to sacrifice your health, and their need for a mom in the future. Personally, no matter what, so long as you are not feeing your kid pop out of a bottle, it is whatever works to make them healthy and strong. At least we have the option of formula now. Back in the day, babies died or had to go to milk moms bc there were no options. I would do like Carley said and throw two pennies at anyone who says something. In fact, I may do that too. Regardless of how baby if fed, at least baby is eating! Big hugs to you!

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Did you ask her if she was a cardiologist? Did you ask her if she's ever felt what it's like to have your heart beat at nearly 300 bpm? I'm sorry, I sound like I would have lost it on that woman alone because I would not have been able to handle that! I am all for educating people when they do not understand something- but you did just that...and that is how she responds? Some people baffle me.

I am sorry that you have to deal with people who do not understand your situation and are unfair to you for it. Honestly, I think that it's your choice and right to choose no matter the reason...and you are right- you do not owe anybody an explanation. From someone who has felt what it's like to have their heart beat at 260 bpm, I know all too well what that feels like and the dangers that accompany a situation of that sort. You are brave enough to be doing whats best for the baby while you are pg (even though it is putting you at risk) and the most important thing once the baby is born is to have a healthy baby AND Mommy. And you will be doing just that! I know I don't have to tell you these things, because I am sure you know it all already, but I wanted to let you know that there are people out there that do understand and the majority of people would not fault you in the slightest for doing the best for you and your baby!

(sorry if I repeated anything from pp here...I didn't even read the other responses...I read what that nut said to you and I just had to respond! )

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Derek (DH), Derek II (DS), Sammy (DS)

Allison Rene
May 13th 2008
7 lbs 6 oz & 20 in long

I'm sorry people are being idiots, and know it's easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up over it. From my personal experience, just because you breastfeed doesn't mean your baby will be smarter or healthier than a formula fed baby.

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That just plain stinks!! It is nobody's business and people should not be so nosey!! You've got to to do what's right for you and your baby. In this case it is your health and that is a number one priority!!! Stop feeling guilty!! I know, easier said than done, but do not beat yourself up. It is not important how your baby gets his/her food. There are so many other things in life/parenting that are way more important that if your baby is breast or formula fed. Hang in there girlie and do not feel like you have to explain yourself. People should sometimes just keep their opinions to their self!!

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Goodness you come in contact with some MEAN people! Funny thing is that I breastfed and my family couldn't understand why I wouldn't just bottle feed. Back when I was little almost everyone was formula fed.

Obviously you need to do whatever is best for yourself and that means formula feeding. I do love the penny idea...

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--Kristina

I agree with everyone!!! Try to be strong and not let there opinions effect how you feel or what you do. This is a very person choose and it’s yours and yours alone to make. Doing what is right for you as a family far out weights what other ppl think. Ppl are so harsh sometimes and it does truly drive me crazy that they feel they have a right to judge you....I know they do not like it when it happens to them. Since this is a struggle for you and you are feeling bad I would just keep your answers simple and NOT go into detail with anyone. Plus shut them down and say you are not discussing it period. That way you will not have to feel the stress. Truly though do NOT let other dictate how you feel.....I do know that it is easier said then done but it will help you so much if you can just let their opinions and words run off like water. They truly are NOT important.

I know I have been getting this too. Lots of ppl ask and it always blows my mind.....But I just shut em down as I do not want to be drawn in to a battle they will not understand. I simply say...I physically can't, so we are formula feeding all the way and my husband and I are VERY excited about it. The ones that push more....I just say.....this is not a debate, it’s a fact and I really do not need to discus it with you. Thank you though and then I walk away. Most ppl leave it though....my big worry is going to be at the hospital.....the literature package my doc gave me is EXTRAMLY pro breast (which I am....and if I physically could I would but its simply not possible) and it pushed it to the point that reading it made me feel horrible and actually cry. BUT I have quickly gotten stronger about it and I am preparing for a HUGE fight with the nurses but in my preparing I have found peace with it and simply do not care what they think now.....I will do what is best for my baby and I and that’s that.

I hope you find some peace and truly know there are LOTS of ppl who support you. BIG BIG HUGS.

Carley - Thanks for the blinkies....I love em....I am going to put one in my sigy now

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Amanda, James & Sweet Mackenzie

7/17 -3rd Laparoscopic Surgery for Endometriosis
8/07 femara & ovidrel First Cy..... 8/24/07
(After trying for 6 years on and off)

Wow, I'm very sorry you are getting such rude comments. I think people initially ask if you are breastfeeding as one of those topics just so they have something to talk about, KWIM? But, the responses you got after you answered them are plain rude not to mention insulting! I'm so sorry they said that to you. (((hugs))) and I hope you don't encounter that anymore.

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Ann-Marie

Thanks ladies. I know the guilt is my own issue, it just doesn't help when people are so negative about it. I think I'll start carrying a pocket full of pennies around Thanks again for your support.

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Im sorry people have been treating you badly about this! My goodness if anyone has a good reason not to BF you certainly do!
I pumped for my daughter for about a week and a half b/c we tried and cried and tried and cried and could not get her to nurse even doing all the "tricks" that they suggested. I got to the point were I was so tired physically, emotionally and mentally from pumping and feeding every couple of hours (rented a pump from the hospital and could only pump one side at a time) I felt like I was going to fall apart. I put her on formula. She is doing great and is just fine!
I still have times where I "wish/regret" that I could not BF her like I did my son but I really really did the very very best that I could. Thats all you can do, your very best.

Now heres my 2 cents...LOL
-You are having SERIOUS heart problems, It is NOT better for your daughter to BF for a little bit, then have you die and end up on formula anyway AND not have her mommy anymore. That makes no sense!
Your doing a great job and your a wonderful mommy and just b/c your daughter is not getting breastfed does not mean otherwise. Formula was created for a reason and your situation is one of those reasons!
*BIGHUG*

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Dh Jason
My babies...
Katherine Elizabeth 6/04/04
Samuel Lee 5/04/05 (our son with God)
Griffin Michael 04/13/06
Harrison Gabriel 04/27/08



BabyLinq.com ~ Preemie Store - Hospital NICU
SAFE to going home.

I'm sorry people are being so rude to you. Your health is far more important to your baby & all your family than that & they probably don't understand - but it would be nice if they thought about it before putting you down! Hugs to you!

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So sorry you have to deal with it, it does become a heated issue, I've dealt with it, believe me.
I say, if the opinion wasn't asked, they should just keep their mouths shut, if they want to give it anyway, just walk away, you are being no rude-r than the person giving their unsolicited 2 cents, I'm with the other ladies on this one!

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I'm sorry people are putting you through this and I'm even more sorry you are feeling guilty about breast feeding...You shouldn't feel guilty, and people are always so quick to tell you what they think (which drives me crazy...) Many people formula feed these days and all the babies are happy and healthy. A lot of my girlfriends formula fed their babies... My one girlfriend said that the nurses at the hospital guilted her into it...so she tried...but it was so stressful on her that it was hard on her and the baby.... so after being home a couple of days, she started the baby on formula and both were a lot happier.. Everyone has their own reasons for breast feeding or not (and yours is a darn good one). Your baby, your health, your boobs... everyone else can stick a sock in it!

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Erin -38 DH Marc -34
TTC #1 Since April 2004
My IVF Miracle Brooke Jai born May 2nd, 2008

I am sorry people are being so rude to you. You are totally making the right descion! You are being the best mother for your new baby. People need to just keep their mouths shut, especially when they arent competent enough to understand the situation. Keep your chin up, and dont double guess yourself about this descion!

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