Baby names bringing the demons out in GMs

Kas30 · #1 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 12:15 PM

As soon as DH and I learned that we were having a girl, we began the name game. We really really like Kayden, and we were planning on using my middle name as our daughter's middle name. Here's the hitch: Kayden is similar to my mother's name, and my middle name is the same as my MIL's name. So now they both think that we are naming our daughter after them (even though this really wasn't our intention). Their interpretation sounds sweet, except I'm already starting to catch wind of ego-boosts and bragging. My mother and DH's mother have always been in competition with their own sisters, and now they are bragging incessantly and "rubbing it in" about how their granddaughter will be named after them (when their sisters' grandchildren have not been). The competitiveness has always bothered me a little, but this is really driving me crazy. I feel like my daughter is being used to gain a "one up." It's gross! And silly all at once! So, should we ignore it all, change the name, or tell them that our daughter's names really have nothing to do with them (which is actually the case, though this would be hurtful to them).

May · #2 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 12:26 PM

Wow, thats a hard one.
How much did you like that name before all this started?
It seems like, even if you told them the truth about the names not being after them that they will continue to tell everyone its the case.
You could choose a different first name and use your first name as her middle name. That way she can still be named after you.
GL deciding on what to do! *HUGS*

wakejul · #3 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 12:38 PM

Hmmm I think I would tell them that it is really after you

I know what you mean about the naming thing...I won't use Ann which is my middle name b/c it is MIL's middle name also. I also won't use Marie b/c it is close to her first name. People all hated Charlton when we used it and most of my students hate any name we pick out. The truth is you love the name and shouldn't have to change because of them

mylilbeebers · #4 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 02:27 PM

Hard one...we don't tell anyone our name ideas for that very reason. Everyone would find out the name after baby is born. I remember after we had picked BEnjamin, the IL's were discussing names and how they'd never name a child Benjamin...well, they never said a thing after we named him that...Good luck with whatever you do!

shauna26 · #5 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 02:49 PM

We aren't sharing our names with my MIL this time around lol. I had said a few names we thought of and she just kind of rolled her eyes.

KB&H'sMommy · #6 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 03:13 PM

GL with that one. I can't believe they are acting like that. If it were me I'd explain how it is to them, one on one. I'd try to be nice, but let them know that it hurts you that they are acting like that. If you don't you'll hear this for a longgggg time.

Mom2DerekSam&Ally · #7 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 04:16 PM

That's frustrating! Sorry you guys have to deal with all that instead of just being able to be excited that you have given your little girl a name that you love!

I'm surprised that your MIL doesn't give a 2nd thought to the idea that you guys may be using the mn because it's also your name (or maybe she doesn't know you guys share a mn?...) It's awfully presumptuous to think that the fact that it's your name had no bearing on the decision to use it, kwim? And, I don't know about you Mom...again, it is somewhat silly for her to just go about assuming that you guys chose this name because it's close to hers...heck, many names may be close to hers! She's kinda stretching here because she WANTS her gd to be named for her!

What would I do in your shoes? That's a hard one. You have 3 choices (4 if you include changing the name...) If I really loved the name and really, really didn't want to change it then I would either 1) grin and bear it (figuring that you guys know the truth about her name- and can later on even tell your DD the reason behind her name before THEY do!) or 2) I might just slip into conversation (or apparently 2 conversations...) how the name came about. You can do it in a laugh it off as you explain it way when they are one of their tangents about the name ("Oh, yeah! *chuckle* I nearly forgot that xYz was YOUR mn as well as MINE...that didn't even come up during the naming process!" or whatever...) or 3) you can be upfront about it and try to be as sensitive as possible..."I'm really sorry for the confusion about DD's name and how it came about...but it's really upsetting to me to hear you using my DD and her name as a way to hurt other's feelings because you think that we chose the name on your behalf. Here's the reason that we named her what we did...."

You may want to think about letting them know what's up at some point soon if you decide to keep the name otherwise you are going to have a long road a head of you listening to them...I doubt that the bragging will stop. DH's family still brings up that we named him (mn) for his g.pa...I don't mind them always reminding people of it (because we DID give him his name) but I'm just saying that after 2 yrs it still hasn't gotten old to them!

GL...and as a side note- I 2nd the idea of next time keeping the name to yourself til birth. That has been a wonderous thing for us this time around and I wish we would have done it the other 2 times!

MissCarley · #8 (**permalink**) 01-02-2008, 04:25 PM

That's a toughie. If it was me, I would just keep it. If you love a name so much, nothing else should matter. Good luck with whatever you decide!