that is one word that I never even imagined in a million years would be spoken by my mouth.

I had gotten pregnant twice, I wasn't "trying" not even thinking of getting pregnant. I delivered a healthy boy, then 8 yrs later I had a healthy girl.

At that time we decided to get my tube tied (I only had one tube, one ovary)

Fast foward to my daughter turning 8, I got the baby blues, but my husband had them worse... I thought I also had PTLS. After some research, I found an answer that was cheaper than IVF.

So we flew to N.C. to have Tubal Reversal surgery... it was a sucess and in fact I got pregnant that very next month...

Only this time, I was charting, I knew what CM meant and even knew how to check my cervix. I was taking my temp each morning, and was peeing on sticks for days waiting for my monitor to show me that glorious egg sign.

It worked- unfortunatly someone else had other plans for me... and for my baby. I was pregnant but the baby was growing in my only tube... my tube that now was worth over 7,000 dollars... but more importantly it was the only one I had and I needed it to be in working order.

I had to take the shots of death- methotrexate.

Fast foward a few months.. I had a test that determined my tube was open and flowing nicely

Back to TTC again (I picked up all these neat little abbrevations during my research) after peeing on many sticks, taking my temp checking this and that I realized I wasn't ovulating.

I called my doctor... and that is when I saw that word... that word that I never thought I would ever hear, never even entered my mind before... I was there at that appointment for "INFERTILITY"

Excuse me?????????

But she had the answer, Clomid- yeah happy stuff, love what it does to your mood, cm and all that good stuff. I never had an ultrasound to see how I was responding on 100mg of that stuff.

But something wasn't right still... I go back to the doc, I want off those evil little pills. Instead I ended up taking 50mg for a total of 6 months on that stuff...

Nothing happened, I peed and peed on sticks, checked this, poked that... never once did I get two pink lines

I didn't go back to the doctor..

Until, I had so much pain I couldn't sit for the entire weekend, pain that I can't even describe.

I had an apt right away monday- the doctor says "Take a seat and tell me what is wrong"... I said "there is a knife up my bum, I can't sit" because that is what it felt like.

A few shots of morphine and an ultrasound later... I head for emergency surgery- I had a couple of 14cm cysts on my poor ovary... (that is about 6 inches EACH)

I was admitted to the hospital, unknown to me, I was on happy drugs after the surgery- and woke up the next day... to the words "sorry but it looks like a battle zone inside you, you have to have a hysterectomy and soon"

Now step back here, I just paid out of pocket for surgery to have more babies, and YOU want to take that away from me.

The cysts caused my precious tube to twist and turn, no baby would make it through. I had endometriosis so bad that my intestines were glued together, and my ovary and uterus were attached to my abdomen... and a few not so pretty things growing inside my uterus.

I guess you could say I am no longer Infertile, because I have been sliced and diced.

I do have a picture of my expensive tube, that once held my dream baby

On the positive side, I don't care what CD I am.. or what DPO, or if my CM is white, creamy, eggwhite or sticky. It doesn't matter how soft my cervix is or if it is open, high, low, soft, hard or shut. No more worries of AF knocking on my door, and no sticks to pee on - because the parts are in the trash now.