Results not typical - neurosis guaranteed!
What (not?) to wear
Posted 01-23-2008 at 10:55 AM by Kahlan79
So I've officially made my first purchase of this (non? hopeful? maybe?) pregnancy (I don't even like typing that because it feels like....there's no way!). Anyways, I found a lot on eBay of beautiful maternity clothes that I loved, and decided to throw caution/discretion to the wind and get them. Besides, I'll need them at some point, right? (I hope!) It almost feels like bowing to superstition to say that I shouldn't buy anything - on the other hand, I feel like I'm temping Fate by proceeding as if I'm pregnant. Sort of like posting on the October 08 boards...
This waiting period really does take you on a rollercoaster. I keep examining my chart, trying to decide if a score of "Good" is good enough - I should have gotten "High" if I really wanted to be sure, right? How is getting pregnant so darn hard sometimes when it seems like every time I turn around another underage celeb has popped a kid out? I know I can get pregnant, but what if my husband (step-father to my beautiful five year old) has problems? All of these possibilities run through my head as I wait, and wait, and wait. And send increasingly graphic (though not in the good way) emails to friends who have been there, asking them to interpret my CM, or reassure me that it's ok that I went off the deep end and bought maternity clothes ALREADY.
Sometimes I think that life ends up being a series of going from one thing to the next. We're in school, waiting for summer. We're waiting for graduation. Waiting for college. Getting married (or not.) Getting a job. Getting pregnant. When do you get to the point in life where you just ARE - no waiting? Or is that just the point of life right now, to enjoy the anticipation and planning that goes into these milestones? I wish I knew the answers.
This waiting period really does take you on a rollercoaster. I keep examining my chart, trying to decide if a score of "Good" is good enough - I should have gotten "High" if I really wanted to be sure, right? How is getting pregnant so darn hard sometimes when it seems like every time I turn around another underage celeb has popped a kid out? I know I can get pregnant, but what if my husband (step-father to my beautiful five year old) has problems? All of these possibilities run through my head as I wait, and wait, and wait. And send increasingly graphic (though not in the good way) emails to friends who have been there, asking them to interpret my CM, or reassure me that it's ok that I went off the deep end and bought maternity clothes ALREADY.
Sometimes I think that life ends up being a series of going from one thing to the next. We're in school, waiting for summer. We're waiting for graduation. Waiting for college. Getting married (or not.) Getting a job. Getting pregnant. When do you get to the point in life where you just ARE - no waiting? Or is that just the point of life right now, to enjoy the anticipation and planning that goes into these milestones? I wish I knew the answers.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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Tempting FateI think there's always a feeling of tempting fate involved if you're the type of person (as I am) who is sensitive to the entire situation and not just the surface. I feel like I'm screwed for posting on the September boards because obviously there is plenty of time for things to go wrong. I've seen at least a dozen women leave that board this month due to losses at 6+ weeks, and it scares me a bit to go back there. I had such early losses before that I always felt like I could breathe a bit easier if I made it to 6 weeks. Apparently not because later losses are more and more common, it seems. And the statistic that miscarriage risk goes down to 3-4% once you see a heartbeat? Tell that to the women who've been there. *sigh* I just don't feel safe at all, and I wish in a way that I could be one of the women who takes a pregnancy at face value and never delves into the very real possibility that it won't all be okay.
Wait, this is way more my own rant than related to your post, isn't it? I'll have to use it as part of a blog entry! I've always found that the most important part of ttc is having someone to talk to. Someone who's there or has been there or can in some way understand and respond to what you're saying. Someone who won't roll their eyes at you for buying maternity clothes! I shall also be blogging about the thing where I'm supposed to live in the here and now rather than the future now that I have my kids. It's an interesting situation that I was finally living with before I found out I was pregnant again. And now I'm back to waiting! And obsessing!  |
Posted 01-23-2008 at 11:16 AM by thelynnfiles
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Also, I had plenty of months where I had a high bd rating and still didn't conceive. So it's not like you're out of the game yet, my sweet!
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Posted 01-23-2008 at 11:18 AM by thelynnfiles
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It's incredibly hard to wait for something, when you know you want it so bad. I hope your dreams come true soon.
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Posted 01-23-2008 at 11:48 AM by ncblondie
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Recent Blog Entries by Kahlan79
- The second time around.... (01-25-2008)
- We are family (01-24-2008)
- What (not?) to wear (01-23-2008)
- Signs, signs, everywhere signs... (01-22-2008)
- Patience??? (01-21-2008)
