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It may be because 2007 is coming to a close or maybe just because I am a new parent, but it seems that the issue of losing friends after baby has been a recurring theme I've encountered over the past few weeks.

The other day on a popular mommy board I discovered a poster that was upset because her friendship with her longtime best-friend was now strained. They no longer could go shopping together at the drop of a hat. The new mommy was busy trying to take care of a baby, sleep when possible and just function. The other wanted to go to Macy's latest sale.

I then encountered another poster who was upset because her brother got upset when she talked about the baby. I think the exact words were that she talks about the baby too much.

Reading these things made me reflect on the past year, since my son is now 13 months old. And I do have to say that my friendships have changed. I can't remember the last time I talked to one of my girlfriends on the phone or saw them in person when it wasn't related to our children or a birthday party. And my childless girlfriends (or the ones whose children have already left the nest) I haven't seen them at all.

It would be unfair to blame the loss of contact solely on them. As much as it would be easy to blame them for not being understanding to my insanity at the beginning and now never having time to talk because I just got home and the baby is crying, lets face it, I changed. My world went from discussions of exotic travel and fine wine to baby this and baby that. I spend my evening staring in wonder at this little miracle that God created. Every coo, crawl, babble, tooth, and step, has just been amazing... to me.

I think that is where us new parents mess up and risk losing old friends, especially those without children. We are just amazed at this little creature that is all ours. Who devours our life and flips it upside down. For the first time in your life, your number one priority isn't yourself or your needs but the needs of this beautiful helpless creature. And as much as our friends are happy for our blessing, I suppose in some ways it's like them watching you get promoted to some awesome paying job while they struggle to make ends meet. At some point, they will get tired of hearing about it. If you talked endlessly on how great your new job was and how much money you made, you'd be an egocentric braggart. I know that having a child is more than that. But to someone without children, they don't know the love and have not experienced the life altering experience. So it is probably a pretty accurate analogy.

Then you have the friends you had prior that already had children. They either become your greatest asset of advice and compassion or they become the people you want to hide from most. Their endless advice, criticism of your choices, comparison of milestones, and the germs their older children carry and leave at your home can strain a friendship.

Not to say that your friendships can't survive. Many do. Some people never experience these problems at all. But if you, like me, let yourself dive nose first into motherhood without coming up for air, don't worry so much. Your true friends will still be there when you finally come back.

Like I told a friend who was in tears over this same issue and the same advice I gave to myself when I realized we got zero invites for New Year's Eve this year, this time in my child's life is finite. Before I know it, my little guy will be out in the world on his own, and I'll have more than enough time to be the self-centered egocentric person my friends use to love.

My brother recently announced that he and my sister-in-law are having their first baby. This is major news on so many levels. First, they have been together since I was 12 years old (over 17 years, umm hmm) and married over ten of those. I was confident that they would never have a child and not because they would not want one or because they would not be able to conceive. No, my brother and his wife are plagued with a very burdensome disease: indecision.

I love my brother and my sister-in-law, but they do not excel at making decisions. I do not care that they were top of their classes with 4.0’s in college. Ask them what they want for dinner tonight and you will get a dissertation of options. It took them 4 years to finally break down and buy the right TV. To make their indecision even more of a burden is that are very concerned with things being natural, good for the environment, but more importantly, safe for themselves.

Therefore, its organic milk and raw sugar, they are going to put in wood floors because of the possible chemicals used in making carpeting. Now, they are finding it hard to find truly chemical free floors that they can afford. They informed me that just because it says “green� does not mean it is chemical free. Recycled wood does not mean it is chemical free. A clear coat or stain is often the problem.

You can imagine how overwhelmed they are then with the plethora of options in the world of baby merchandise.

This brings me to my original statement. As much as I roll my eyes at my brother, I do appreciate how health conscious they are and how badly they want a safe environment for their new baby. I am confident, even though I have a house full of stuff they can use, they will decline. Most of it will not meet their stringent standards.

At first, I was taken aback as it would seem that they do not approve of some of the products I used, non-organic material for onsies for example (seriously), or the fact that I do not use cloth diapers. I realized though that they are running all their ideas past me because they are looking for my approval. Despite the fact that I did not go completely organic, I have a very healthy and happy baby; and that is ultimately their number one goal.

It was after discussing diaper options and ointments that my brother said, “I just want to do the right things, maybe we are over thinking some of this stuff�. That is when I turned to him and said, “There are no wrong choices, we just make the best decisions we can with the information we have and try and do what we think is best for our families. If you do your best and make the choices that feel right to you, then you are doing the right thing�.

I could not believe how much my brother’s demeanor then changed. It was as if a huge burden had lifted from his shoulders. It was at that very moment he realized they do not need anyone’s approval: not the naturalist woman or the doctors or mine.

If you find you are overwhelmed with indecision or making the right decision or if you find that, others criticize or don’t approve of your way because it is different from theirs, remember there is more than one right path to a happy healthy baby and family.

Part 2: ZOFRAN PUMP-I was discharged from the hospital, they sent me home with an order to be placed on a Zofran Pump.A nurse from Alere Home Health Care came out to my house the next day to give me everything I needed.How a Zofran pump works is you have a little needle that you have to stick into your leg that inserts a very small catheter.Once the catheter is inserted, you connect tubing that leads up to the liquid medicine in a syringe.The syringe sits in a pump that you carry in a bag that...

CWEBB

It happened again, ladies. January came creeping quietly in while we were polishing off the last of the fudge and shoving the ribbon box to the back of the closet. Sneaky how it does that.
But I'm ready to greet it if you are. In fact, there's really no better way to look a new month, new year and — gulp — new decade in the face than to link arms and do it together. While laughing our tails off.
I'm a journalist, author and overwhelmed mother of two, and I'm here to dish with you...

Starshine

I dunno. I thought I'd sworn off blogging, but maybe I haven't...

Thoughts?

memarq0