This weekend is going to be rough. It is my 5 year anniversary today and while DH and I are thrilled to be celebrating, I can't help but think gosh we've been married for 5 years and we don't have any kids. I spent so much time trying to NOT get pregnant telling myself and my family-We will start when we are 28-that seems like such a joke now. Yes, we both have great stable careers, own a nice big house-but who gives a crap?? We don't have kids to share it with.
Obviously, it is mother's day. My grandmother is sick so DH and I are going to spend our anniversary weekend in my hometown to see my grandmother. I am also going to avoid my sister who should be coming down as well. My sister is pregnant and due in July. That whole situation chaps my tail. She got pregnant by a man that my whole family hates-she was going to marry him but decided to call the wedding off-but then got pregnant. I spent hours and hours on the phone with her when she called off the wedding as she talked about how he worked too much, how he didn't treat her welll, how he didn't pay her any attention, how he was gone half the year with work so if they did have kids she would have to raise them by herself-so when she got pregnant it was such a surprise. The crack between she and I started when I was discussing with her what she was going to do, and her reply was-you're just acting this way because I'm pregnant and you can't get pregnant..... The social know how simply was not there and when she said that it just killed off a part of me. She was defensive so she was attacking me-and of course the reason why I was discussing her plan with her had nothing to do with the countless hours I spent on the phone while she cried her eyes out about what she didn't want but was headed right for. (grrrrrr)
Then when we found out about my DH's varicocile's my mother told my sister-which I didn't want to happen-and then she told someone else who then told me. Yes-drama-I know. Then she denied it and continues to deny it even when I have the angry email she sent to the girl about how she shouldn't have told me and how she made a bad situation worse.
Now-I am sorry-but again that social know how simply isn't there. You don't talk about someone's personal life-much less intimiate details about a personal life crisis. She was so far out of line and then her continuous denial just infuriates me further so I have nothing to do with her. I didn't attend her last minute wedding either and I am refusing to go to her baby shower. I don't need family to be destructuve in my life right now and she has gone over and beyond the line of a sister. She isn't understanding of my situation and my life right now. She made a comment to my mother about "she hates me because I'm pregnant" playing the victim card so I called her to try to clear that up (before all the email drama) and she got crappy with me so I told her I would send her an article about infertility that I have and her comment was-yea-send me your f****ing article, I may read it.
HOW INAPPROPRIATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I'm done.
Another close friend of mine is pregnant-she went off the pill and BOOM became pregnant. I have removed myself some from her too. She doesn't know about our fertility issues, but she knows that we have been trying since last summer. Her myspace says "welcome to babyville". I can't even handle that right now.
So I'm struggling today.
