Laura (and others): I'm sorry that you have to jump through so many hoops to get recognized as the parents that you so obviously are. It isn't right, I completely agree. Believe me, you are a real parent! Don't let the prejudice get you down.

Robin: Since you have yet to go through it...if you're up for a harder fight there may be a way to get your DP's name on the birth certificate. In Feb, the NY state court ruled that the long-standing federal requirement that foreign marriages involving US citizens must be recognized if they were legal in the foreign jurisdiction where they were performed is still valid. What this means is that same-sex couples married in Canada must be treated as married (and are considered legally married in NY state) and be given all of the associated benefits (including names on the birth certificate you're going to get). I don't know where you are...if you're in NY, you can take advantage of this ruling by visiting Canada (and getting married) before giving birth...if you're elsewhere, and willing to engage in a lengthy legal battle you can likely use this precedent as a jumping off point.

I am so sorry that you are all having these experiences.