self weening and seperation anxiety
While I am so happy about the baby inside of me, I am carrying saddness about my DD (14 1/2 months) that I need a little help with. Excuse me in advance for this....I am trying to keep it in perspective, but feel lousy at the moment.
In the past few weeks she has been nursing less and less and now practically not at all. I know I made another post about this issue, and have talked to both my OB and Ped. They said this can be normal. Sensing my saddness about stopping they tried to remind me of the positive effects on my body that giving it a rest for 3+ months would do. This did not make it better for me though....I have offered her multiple times a day but she truly is just not interested anymore. After almost 15 months I don't know why this is bothering me so much! I feel like a failure and am not ready to break this bond.
On a different note, but yet tied to this issue....I have been having AWFUL seperation anxiety. Everytime I leave her I am so anxious (this did not used to happen) and all I want to do is go home!! I have trying a new baby-sitter one afternoon a week. The idea was to have her get used to someone else just a little so when Peanut arrives I can have an extra set of hands. I went out yesterday to run errands and get a pedicure and was a wreck the entire time. Then I came home and was with her again for a few hours before DH came home (the woman was still here cleaning etc) Then DH and I went out on an early date. I was MISERABLE the whole time. I kept apologizing and he was trying to get me to relax and have fun since we were just down the street! But I just felt like all I wanted was to be home with her and not out. He was trying to be understanding but I could sense frustration.
All this being said....I think in the big picture I am very worried about not being the best mom to DD by bringing another child into the world. I know that this is natural anticipation but it is weighing on me in ways I have never dealt with before. The breast feeding ending is eating at me too. I just want to enjoy everyday like I always do, but lately I am SO sad about these small things. Thanks for reading this. I do not mean to complain. I know I have so much to be thankful for, I just want these feelings to disapper!!
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