OK, I went into the whole BF'ing thing whole heartedly, I read everything, I know all the statistics, when we were struggling with feeding for the first 8 days until my milk came in I refused a bottle for my baby and tube fed while she latched onto me. I get personally offended and distraut when people think that formula feeding is "just as good" and don't even try to bf (although I know they're out there I've yet to personally meet someone who's really tried when she's run into issues). I've got on my soap box so many times about the benefits of breastfeeding that I think my formula feeding friends are a little uncomfortable as I freely whip out the boob.

So that being said, the last week or two I'm getting TIRED of bf'ing... I know that part of this comes from our 4 week checkup where Maia dropped from the 50th percentile in weight to the 40th (fyi doctor has never pushed or pressured for formula, she gave formula and told us to give via a cup or syringe and NOT a bottle in the beggining since Maia lost 15% of birth weight in the first 4 days since I wasn't producing any milk and reffered me to 2 lactation specialists immediately, we stopped this supplementation after 5 days once my milk was fully in), after this last checkup she said to make sure I take Maia to a dark quiet room so that she doesn't get distracted when she nurses and to do breast compressions and never once even hinted at formula (I also started taking fenugreek which seems to work for me). I don't know what's wrong with me, I've gone against everything I've stood for during the last 5 months and started giving 1 bottle of formula a day, to as a tell myself, give myself a break and refill and its SO nice to see how much she's eating. I know this is a trap and a slippery slope... how do I stop this????? It seems so easy to me to just start cracking the formula, DH can help when he's home. I can take a bottle with me and not worry about people feeling uncomfortable if we go out and I pull out the boob(which I used to get a secret thrill from before even though I covered up with a recieving blanket and just hoped someone would say something so I could rip them apart).

Anyway, sorry for the ramble... I REALLY want to get back on track, I know in my mind and heart that bf'ing is the best thing for Maia and it really is the easiest thing with no muss or fuss. Is this a stage or something a lot of people go through after a while? Is this perhaps because I started taking anti-depressants for ppd about a month ago? Any advice or even just experiences would help. Thanks.

-Erin

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