I hope this does not come across as terribly petty. I am just disappointed. This is my fourth child. My first with my husband, and my youngest is going to be 9 in august. So needless to say it has been a long time. My husband also has a child from his first marriage, who is 14 now. I have lived in NC for 9 years, but only have a handful of friends. I am fine with that, and am content with my life. My children have sports each night, so really there is no time to meet tons of people and no real desire on my part. I work with only 7 people, and my husband is self employed. I have a sister that lives a state away, and my husband has a brother and sister in law, and father and step mom that live within 45 minutes. To get to the point, I am disappointed that I do not have anyone in my life to give me a baby shower. I had one with my first, and a small with my second. I wasn't even a little disappointed when I didn't have one with my third, what was the point :-) But here it is 9 years later, starting completely over, and I just feel sad. We don't do birthdays at work, and such, so there won't be anything there. My church is small, so that is not something we really do. I have been asked by my sister and my husband’s sister what we need, and I know they will get us a gift. I think it more the idea of a celebration for this baby not gifts. It is the get together and silly games. Even though I have friends, everyone has said more along the lines of I will have to give them ideas for a present, but nothing else. I know with today’s lives we are all busy. And this is definitely not my first. So I tell myself it wouldn't make since to have a shower. But it is hard when my patients ask if I've had one yet, or when it is, or others do. It just is a reminder, so I smile and say, oh I haven't had it yet, knowing I won't. I asked my husband if his brother's wife had asked him anything, and he said no. And he tried to cheer me up by saying not to worry, we would be able to buy what we need, it's not like we are young and can't get what we need. Am I being completely selfish and childish? Maybe I am just hormonal. Is anyone else feeling this way? It is just hard when people ask when my shower is, and I say there isn't one, and they smile and say "oh, i am sure someone will throw one", and end the conversation. But the thing is no one is. Even my 12 year old asked me when the shower was, because her dad's sister just had one. When I said there isn't one, she asked why, and I just said that that is something first time moms get. I didn’t know what to say.

Thank you for reading my ramblings and self pity. I am sure as I get ready for the baby it won't even be important any more. I think I am so happy, since it took us months and specialist to have the baby, and I want others to want to celebrate too. Maybe my pelvic pain has finally gone to my head and made me crazy :-)

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Daniel Allen 6/20/2008