Hi all,

I'm so glad to have found this forum. I've lurked here for a few days and I've really been impressed with the generally positive atmosphere. (I've checked out a few TTC boards elsewhere and the level of obsession and anxiety so many were expressing was making me feel awful!)

Here's my story. In December my husband (51) and I (44 at the time) decided to see if we could conceive. We had never tried before, though we had discussed adopting a few years ago. Frankly I thought I had no chance because I was "too old." Well, I conceived on the first cycle - in fact, with the very first try on Christmas morning! Amazing. I thought it was a miracle.

Sadly, I miscarried in February. It was a missed m/c with the baby at 8 weeks, 3 days but not discovered until 11 weeks. I had a very long, drawn out m/c experience (two rounds of Cytotec and eventually a D&C), which was horrible.

In the process I changed OBs and now have a very kind and supportive doctor. He gave us the go-ahead to start TTC as soon as I've had one period, if I feel ready. Meanwhile I've turned 45. At this point I've had nearly 2 months to come to some peace with the loss, but of course I still have moments of deep sadness. I think if I were younger, I might wait a bit before TTC again, but at this age, that clock is ticking at a deafening volume!

Well, AF arrived last Thursday, exactly 3 weeks after the D&C. So we are getting ready to try again. I am really focused on staying hopeful and upbeat, while trying to accept that "what will be, will be." Some days I feel confident that we'll conceive easily again. Other days I read the statistics and feel quite worried about my chances.

I told a friend the other day, "This was a lot less stressful back when I thought I had no chance of getting pregnant. Now that I know there's a chance, I really want a baby!" Irrational, no doubt, but true.

I look forward to getting to know all of you!

Kellie