Hi Ladies,

I just don't even know were to begin on this. First I know I want to say thank you for all the prayers they have helped so much.

You know this was a complete and total shock when we got the call at 10:30 wednesday night from the director of the agency. I swear I thank God everyday that he gave me L because he knew bringing a child into my life would not be easy and I just can't think of a better partner then her.

This death was senseless and and so preventable. The last picture they sent of him, L thought he was sick and had been e-mailing the agency to get him to a doctor,he looked kinda pale and just lifeless (I didn't think much of it, I just thought it was the way babies sleep) so they took him to the doctor and they determined constipation, well they brought him back to the orphanage and he had severe diarehha and he ended up dying from dehydration on 4-1-08. This is the first time the orphanage has ever lost a baby that was completely healthy and had been referred out to a family. it was just so stupid, you know if he was home this would not have happened we have the means to treat these things. So the phone call comes in and wow has it changed everything.

We have went through crying, laughing, anger, sickness, sadness, you name it and I think we have felt it. I just have so many emotions right now because I think of his birthmother who wanted a better life for him, I think of the nanny who just loved him so much, I think of the agency who had to call us, I think of us how this will change us. I need to find closure here so we have asked about burial arrangements for him and we may fund them if they haven't done things on their own already. If that is out of our control then we will hold a dinner with close family and friends in memory of him. Everyone has been just great sending cards, flowers, calling offering to come and visit, make dinners for us. I mean WOW I feel so loved and supported.

We have not lost all hope though and we are more determined then ever to bring a baby home from Vietnam. The agency has asked that we grieve and keep moving forward because of the uncertainty in Vietnam right now. So we are doing the best we can to do that right now.

Our poor friends who were planning the baby shower had to do some major scrambling as invitations for the baby shower were in the mail that same day we got the call, I think we have been able to recover them all before people received them but there could be a couple that trickled out.

We were so close, I'm not sure why this is my reality right now but I do promise to figure it out and make good. I am seriously considering writing the Adoption Committee at the federal level and explaining to them why it is so important to speed up the process on getting these children home. I know our agency director has started making phone calls she is furious for us and has been just wonderful answering phone calls from us at ALL HOURS of the night and day.

Well I'm sorry if that is all over the place I am still just in a fog and finding that I don't make that much sense at times. Again thank you so much girls, I'm going to try and be more active this week but I'm not sure yet.

I hope you all know I pray every night for your happiness, health and happy endings!!!

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