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Both situations as in watching someone you love get beat and you yourself being in an abusive situation? Guess what, I have lived through both as well which is WHY I KNOW the difference between abuse and discipline.
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I hate to tell you but, you a perpetuating the cycle of violence. You boys are likely to grow up to be abusers. Read up on it.
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Oh sorry, they don't believe in "punishment". I see punishment and discipline as the same things.
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I beg to differ. I think that gentle discipline or redirection will always work best when properly applied.
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Nope, it's manipulation. They learn this VERY early in life. When my kids were still infants, they would be in their cribs and cry and cry and cry. When I walked into the room they would still cry. As soon as I picked them up, the crying stopped. When I would put them down they would cry again. While some may give me the "oh they just wanted your attention" bullshit, I know that isn't true. I gave them plenty of cuddling during the day when they were awake, but at night it was time for them to sleep.
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Wow. Just wow. That is so sad that you actually believe that a BABY has the mind and intelligence to do something like that. You are so totally off base. Your baby is crying because, it needs something. Yes, it could be your soothing that it craves. What's so wrong with that? DO you actually think that babies understand what "night time" is? That they understand that they must sleep at certain times? I don't think that so many new Moms would be so sleep deprived if that were the case.
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I gave my oldest way more attention as a baby than I did with the others and he was(and here's a word you won't like to hear)SPOILED.
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Again, this strikes me as so sad. Do you realize that you are talking about "spoiling" a BABY??? Sweet mother of mary. You are a piece of work.
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With exception to my oldest son who made some bad choices and got into trouble with the law
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I wonder why?
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If you ask your child to pick up their toys, they say no and you do it for them, what are they going to do the next time you ask them to pick up their toys? Ummm, they are going to purposely not pick toys up because mommy did it for them before. Manipulation.
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There are plenty of ways to handle a situation like this. That's why I suggested a child development or child rearing book. You could offer to help pick up the toys so the child understands that, its not all that bad. You could make a game out of it. Such as offering something fun if the child picks up everything in a certain amount of time, and set a time clock. You could offer a consequence, such as no dessert after dinner if the child doesn't pick up the toys.
Simply put, you do NOT need to resort to violence to raise healthy kids. There are plenty of options. No, its not easy. Spanking is easy. You need to do some research so the rest of you boys don't end up "in trouble with the law", or worse.