I'm sorry you're feeling alone, Jess. I know it's hard to go through this month after month, without having other people around who are going through the same thing... especially since you're doing this on your own... that just makes it even harder, I know.
I do check in on you, and I'm always here for you if you need someone, okay?
I don't know how active the over 40 board is. When I had the m/c last fall, I met some women from the TTC after vas/tubal reversal board. Even though I hadn't gone through one, they welcomed me there, and they've been great. A lot of the women are a bit older, and they're all having issues with getting and staying pregnant. Some of them have been trying for a long time, so they understand how it feels. Some of the women married a man who then had a vasectomy reversal, so they don't have any children of their own yet. And honestly, they didn't make me feel out of place just because I hadn't had my tubes tied. They're all there for the same thing... trying to get pregnant when it isn't that easy. They were a real source of support to me. You might want to check it out. It's very active there, and there's no drama, just lots of support.
I hate that you feel so alone and sad and discouraged. I still believe you'll get to hold your own healthy baby, one day soon. Don't give up yet. Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
If I lived near you, I'd come over to give you a hug and a shoulder to cry on, so you wouldn't feel like you were by yourself. For now, I'll give you this kind...
Hang in there, sweetie. Wishing lots of babydust your way...
Missy