Re: Venting
I am so sorry about your bfn. I so totally understand about you wanting it to be easy this time. I was the same way after my m/c. It's like, "I deserve for this to be easy after what happened". You know, there is no reason why you won't get pg right away - the conditions might be right this month like they were when you got pg the first time. I know it is so hard to wait - I am not a patient person but I really believe (and forgive me if this sounds preachy) that God has the perfect baby in mind for us. My dh and I were married and used no bc for 12 years before finally getting pg with ds (with fertility assistance). I spent many years longing and being sad that I didn't have any children but now I am so grateful (sp? - my pg brain is acting up) because I have the best baby. He is so wonderful and I am actually kind of glad in a weird way that I didn't get pg all those years if that would mean I wouldn't have him. I think I appreciate what I have way more than a lot of people because of what we went through to get him. God wanted me to have this baby and when things were not in an emotional turmoil for me, I tried to focus on this. When I first m/c'd, I was so angry and hurt and in so much pain that nothing helped, not even trying to think that God had a baby in mind for me. I was basically like why did I get pg in the first place? Why did I have to go through all that pain for nothing? I will never know why, really, but I am sure when I hold this baby in my arms I'll feel the same way. I really wanted the baby I lost but it wasn't meant to be. My edd is Friday and it is already getting hard to think about it. I am sorry this was so long and rambling but sometimes I can't stop myself. I so wish you the best of luck and I hope that you get pg quickly again.
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