Hi Dixie, I am sorry for all you have gone through. I think you need to stick to your guns though. *He* is the one who chose to leave, *He* is the one who chose to give up his rights. Once he chose to give up his rights he tore up his parent card as far as I'm concerned and certainly his *honey* had no rights to begin with, especially because she is likely the one who suggested he give up his rights in the first place.

Anyway, I would allow *him* to call, write or come see the kids I would also allow the kids to write or call him *if* they ask or chose to do so. When he complains about the terms remind him of his choices and that *he* is the one who decided not to be a dad.

My mother was married before she met my dad. She had one child with her former husband (my older sister). They divorced before my sister was born. He abused my mother and threatened her life so she left. He also did not pay child support. He saw my sister for the first time when she was 3 months old. After that he did not see her again until she was a teenager. Back then, if you did not pay support you were not allowed visitation. My mother, however, had told him he could come to her house to see my sister anytime he wanted. He, however, chose not to do that.

So, I think you are doing the right thing. Do not bad mouth him to the kids, but let them know that their bio-dad can come to see them if he chooses or call or write.

I am glad you are keeping in contact with their grandparents. It is not their fault their son is such an asshat. Good luck to you.

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Asexuality: It's not just for amoebas anymore

"As long as two people love each other I don't think God cares whether they both have a hoo hoo or a haa haa" Marge Simpson